Is Your InBox a Black Hole?

You have probably experienced “Black Hole Syndrome”: a complete lack of response when you have good reason to expect a reply. You send a concise, clear, personalized, and politely worded message to someone—a recruiter or hiring manager, a potential business partner, a person whose advice you seek—and get no response. You send a follow-up, and then another—same result. You try using a different channel—perhaps a different email address, or an instant message, or a tweet—and still, you hear nothing back. It’s as if your messages fell into a black hole, where things go in but nothing ever comes out.

Lack of response might be expected if you were cold-calling a busy person whose job duties do not include responding to inquiries. But all too often, Black Hole Syndrome occurs with a person whose job involves outreach (such as a recruiter), or with a person with whom you’ve already had an initial contact or conversation that seemed to go well. The person may have even agreed to continue the discussion, and yet shows no sign of following through.

Lacking any information, you wonder what’s going on, and start imagining possibilities. Were the messages properly delivered, and seen by the recipient? Is she okay, or dealing with a crisis? Could he be simply overwhelmed? Does she routinely ignore messages from people outside of her inner circle? Was the message considered spam, or somehow perceived as offensive? Is he afraid to say “no”?

Many people have told me about their experiences with Black Hole Syndrome. Their specific situations vary, but the feeling they experience is universal: This really sucks.

Don’t Damage Your Brand

Black Hole Syndrome is obviously a problem for senders, but it also has consequences for the people who don’t respond to appropriate inquiries.

If you fail to acknowledge an appropriate inquiry, the bad feeling experienced by the sender reflects badly on you. Who would want to work with a person or company that’s rude? Over time, ignoring inquiries can brand you—and your organization—with a bad reputation, leading to loss of trust, degraded relationships, and missed opportunities, all of which can hamper your success.

You’re certainly not obliged to respond to inappropriate inquiries, such as:

• unsolicited commercial inquiries

• messages that aren’t personalized

• impolite messages (rude, pushy, presumptuous, disrespectful…)

• vague, long, or rambling messages (not respecting your time and attention)

• persistent inquiries after you’ve politely declined

However, if the inquiry is appropriate, concise, specific, and politely worded, you should at least acknowledge it, even if your answer is “no”, “not now”, or “maybe”. It only takes a few seconds of your time, and it’s the appropriate and civil thing to do.

Of course, celebrities, CEOs, and other high-profile people cannot practicably respond to all the inquiries they receive, so expecting a response from them isn’t reasonable. For the rest of us, ignoring appropriate inquiries comes across as bad manners.

If the Answer Is “No” or “Not Now”, Just Say So!

Some people avoid replying, rather than telling people something potentially unpleasant. They’re uncomfortable with sharing bad news – after all, rejection hurts.

Other people are reticent to give any hint of declining, preferring to ‘keep the door open’ until the situation becomes clearer. A common example of this is a recruiter who doesn’t want to turn away new candidates until it’s clear that candidates currently under consideration won’t work out.

Both ways of thinking are misguided, for two key reasons:

1. Getting no reply is the worst outcome for the sender. It raises multiple questions, leaves the person in limbo, and consumes additional time and effort for follow-ups. In contrast, a simple, polite “no” or “not now” provides closure, allowing the sender to make specific plans about how to proceed.

2. Failing to reply typically increases your own message load, as diligent senders try repeatedly to get a response from you. If your answer will be “no” or “not now”, why not say so the first time you’re asked? This gives you closure, just as it does for the inquirer; you’ve politely declined, and neither of you needs to invest any more time or mental energy into short-term follow-up.

Figuring out the right thing to do is pretty straightforward, if you just remember the Golden Rule: Treat other people as you’d want to be treated.

Resolve to Be a Better Communicator

Now that you’ve considered the downsides of not replying to earnest inquiries, start developing the habit of dealing with them efficiently and effectively:

• If you’re truly not interested, simply write “Thanks for reaching out, but I’m just not interested”. If you can offer a suggestion that helps the sender, do so – it’ll improve your personal brand, and you never know when that small kindness you showed might pay you back.

• If you might be interested but can’t currently make time to consider the issue, write “I might be interested, but now’s not a good time. Try contacting me next month.”

• If you’re potentially interested or definitely interested, respond promptly and succinctly, instead of parking the message to be handled later.

Your new habit may take some extra effort at first, but it will soon feel normal. You’ll save yourself time and effort, make your senders feel respected, and enhance your personal brand.

#Communication #Etiquette #Attitude